Day 4: 6,926 Words and Cody Simpson has been fired!

Things have taken a turn at Barnaby High School. It's really not looking good. Here is the excerpt for the day:

The first to be laid off that fall was Cody Simpson, although the term ‘laid off’ didn’t really apply, since Cody Simpson was really a volunteer swim coach. He had made his fortune as a young teen, with his monster smash hit “Iy-Iy-Iy.” The popularity of Cody Simpson’s own Artisanal Cheese Puffs meant that he never had to work a day in his life (he did not consider using his powerful abs to instantly turn cheese into dust ‘work,’ but rather ‘art’). This left him time to pursue his passions- like chasing his lifelong dream of making the Australian men’s Olympic team. “What can’t he do?” Roberto had sighed dreamily as they and Cass had taken in the Australian men’s Olympic swim team trials. Well, apparently the answer to that question was to make the Australian men’s swim team. Everyone had assumed that his failure to make the team was because he was, in the objective terms of “time,” “not fast enough” as compared to his fellow competitors. Cass and Berto remained unconvinced. They had a steadfast belief that some very powerful people had a vested interest in Cody Simpson not making the Australian men’s Olympic swim team. Their motives: unclear. He seemed like a great guy.

Cody Simpson surprised everyone with the choice he made next. Did he give up? Yes. For reasons no one could ascertain, but everyone appreciated, he traveled across the world to a town in Southern Ontario, to volunteer coach a poorly performing high school swim team and bring them to glory. But alas, apparently these powerful people would not simply let Cody Simpson be. The termination of his volunteer contract was announced in late September, like almost everything these days, via memo. Or in this case, a voice memo from the much maligned Chad from Legal.

Hey everybody. Chad from Legal, here. I don’t do the memo thing, too formal. We’re all friends here, right? So I thought I’d just shoot you a quick voice memo to tell you what we’ve been “cooking up here” in Legal. Haha, lol, smiley emoji.

So yeah, some staffing changes are coming down the pike. Or is it pipe?

We here at Legal are on your side. We’re on your team, not management’s, no matter what you’ve heard over at the old water cooler. In all seriousness, water cooler gossip is a fireable offense so you know, talk like someone’s listening and recording everything you say, HA!

So having said all that, like I said before there’s gonna be some staffing changes, starting with the immediate termination of Cody Simpson as volunteer swim coach. Iy-Iy-Iy hate to tell you, but he’s “Already Gone”, LOL.

The irresponsible budgeting of last year’s regime administration has put us all in jeopardy, so every one of us is disposable. Except me, of course, and a few others, LOL, smiley face emoji, wink emoji- shout out to my boyz Brando and Chuck, and of course our fearless leader Vice Principal Penneyworth.

All kidding aside, this is a very very serious legal situation. Work like you’re going to be fired tomorrow, is what we in Legal like to say! Haha, hang ten emoji.

Love ya,

Chad from Legal.

Berto was inconsolable. They didn’t even mention that really the announcement should have come from Chuck from HR, and also, Already Gone isn’t even one of Cody Simpson’s many pop hits!

“What’s the emoji for curling up on the floor in the fetal position and sobbing uncontrollably?” they had texted Cass, who had no answers. Her students were unwilling to help her figure out the correct series of emojis, and had simply rolled their eyes when she asked. They had turned on her when she asked them to do an independent study using the coupon for a 6 pack of Tang as source material in her grade 11 English Literature class. She couldn’t blame them. She couldn’t even provide them with their own copy of the now well worn coupon. When she tried to make photocopies, she learned that in addition to the Wifi network, the school photocopier was down. A memo from Chadwick Penneyworth had informed them that Ryan from Physical Resources was looking into it. Cass held out little hope for resolution.