Day 20: 36,574 Words That Constitute a Felony

Kind of an uninspired writing session today, but I still managed to get 2,000 words done. I didn't love a lot of what I wrote today, but included this gem about the safety wear designed by Windigo Esmort:

Together, the group of high school staff, celebrities, and Jackie’s Place employees concocted an air tight plan. Windigo Esmort, upon hearing that the group of caperers would be entering a construction zone, immediately retreated to the back room, emerging 45 minutes later with a set of hard hats in burnished gold with some spots of greenish patina, as if they had been placed one a high shelf in a palace somewhere, but someone who prayed the hard hats would bever again be needed. These were smartly paired with regulation steel-toed boots, that Esmort had encased in Dr. Marten’s Ricki Nappa Lux Leather Platform Gladiator Sandals in Cobblestone Grey.

There were enough for everyone. “How did they know everyone’s sizes?” asked Biebs, with wonder. Windigo glared at him imperiously, before replying, “An artiste never reveals their secrets.” Everyone else was left wondering why that was the question that Bieber asked about the luxurious and stylish ensembles they had been gifted- perfect for blending in in the suburbs.

“Now, we are short on time,” Windigo intoned, “so I was not able to add any other items to your ensembles. If I had, I would have suggested the pantless look, which is really enjoying a moment right now, and paired the boots with see-through lace tights and a butt-length fitted burgundy-and-pink sweater. But, you know, you do you,” they said, looking extra long at Justin Bieber’s cargo shorts.

Thank goodness for Windigo Esmort. True, the co-conspirators would be committing a series of crimes that together constituted a felony, but they would look damn good doing it. And they would not be adding any violations to the Health and Safety Act to their list of crimes. 

And a sneak preview of the plan:

They had agreed that they would form 4 crews to complete the caper. One crew, composed of Logan, Berto, Gordon, and Cass would break into the construction zone, retrieve the books, and bring them back out to the awaiting van, a plain white van parked in the alley behind Jackie’s Place that no one knew that Jackie had. The van was suspiciously clean and nondescript. No one would ever associateit  with the surly barkeep or his infamously filthy resto-lounge. It was perfect. It was decided that Parm Pettipiece would serve as getaway driver. In addition to being the Religious Studies teacher, she also ran the Driver’s Ed program at Barnaby Secondary School.

The second crew, composed of Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson, Vin Diesel, and James Van Der Beek, would keep watch and distract any passersby. There had been a great deal of argument over who would make up the second crew, since many of the teachers thought that the celebrities would draw attention rather than blend in seamlessly.

 “We are ac-tors,” Vin Diesel sniffed, sounding insulted. “You think we don’t know how to act like regular people?” As Cass looked at the celebrities in their matching high-fashion hard hats and safety boots, she had to admit he had a point.

The third crew would be situated at Jackie’s Place, and would run interference from there. Cody Simpson was going to temporarily disrupt the VIP WiFi Network. They were all sure that there was no way the senior leadership team would still be working after 4pm, but just in case, they would be so distracted trying to get their precious VIP WiFi Network up and running, they would hardly notice that the teachers were committing theft across town. The others were on standby and would be ready as needed. The books would be distributed between the teachers upon their return.

The fourth crew, composed of Jake Kneiss, Jeremy Roenick, and Justin Bieber would lurk around the neighbourhood, and would listen to a police scanner (naturally, Jackie had one in the back room and was happy to lend it to the cause). Everyone knows that cops love professional athletes, so Jake Kneiss and Jeremy Roenick would sweet talk the cops out of responding to any calls at St Anthony’s, and Justin Bieber was there in case that plan failed. He would get himself arrested as a distraction by acting indecently in public if needed. “It works like a charm,” the pop star bragged, and he winked. He did not pull it off, but looked mildly lecherous, which was on brand.