Day 12: 21,032 Words, and the barriers between margaritas and wine are coming down...

 UGH week 2 can be the worst sometimes. I hated my novel today and I hated writing it and I wondered why I ever decided to do this stupid thing. Still, there are a few things I enjoyed about today's writing, mainly how I managed to include the Vins en Epicerie website in its entirety. And the VIP wifi network made a return!

First, Dylann looks back over a successful night at Jackie's Place:

Later, when she looked back on the night, she couldn’t put her finger on what made the night such a success. The live music had certainly been spectacular (a band called Lab-yrinth, who did lab-themed covers of David Bowie’s oeuvre, including Labby Girl and Space Doggity). The cocktail-themed wine drinks had been surprisingly popular- it was possible that the patrons of Jackie’s Place were simply excited by variety, having grown tired of brown-bagged Pabst Blue Ribbon, murky water, and cold coffee with an oily film floating on top. They say a change is as good as a rest. The décor was certainly a hit. Even Jackie seemed to be slightly less cantankerous than usual- participating in witty banter alongside Dylann as they clinked glasses, partaking in a tequila-less Margarita. She didn’t know if it tasted like the weekend, but it certainly tasted like something that wasn’t wine. Or a Margarita.

As the evening draws to a close, Dylann does something that she hasn't done since she arrived at Jackie's Place, some indeterminate amount of time ago. She decides to write something!

As she sat at the bar, laptop open to the blank document that had come to be an old friend to her, Jackie slipped a piece of paper across the counter top.

               “You’ll need this,” he said, “the internet here is rubbish.” It was the password to access the VIP wifi. It was often the subject of fierce debate at Jackie’s Place that there was a top secret VIP wifi network, but Jackie had long denied the rumour, simply gaslighting all who complained about the ghastly state of the public access wifi . 

“It works fine for me,” he would say with a shrug. And if they complained further, he would simply remind them “This ain’t the Hilton!” Which was true, and also, there was a sign hanging up that said that. Well, there was a sticky note stuck to the front window, but still. People had been warned.

  Dylann starts a blog! 

       I don’t know who I am, or where I am, or why. That’s the truth.

               I know there is a girl out there somewhere, with blue eyes and a wild heart. And I know that she is mine and I am hers. That’s the truth.

               I know that the world outside these walls feels relentlessly terrifying, but that the world inside is too small to contain me forever. That’s the truth.

               I know that the time of waiting is over. I cannot live the same day over and over and over and hope that it will end differently if I just keep doing the same thing: staying safe, staying quiet, playing by the rules. Rules were made to be broken and that’s the truth.

               I know that margaritas are supposed to contain tequila and wine is supposed to contain… wine, but I want to live in a world where the barriers between margaritas and wine come down and we can all just agree that we can taste the weekend. We can taste life even if it is past its best before date. Even if we are scared. Because I am scared and that’s the truth.

I am scared that I will stay here forever and even more scared that I won’t. I am scared that there are people out there that I love and I am scared that they won’t love me back, or can’t love me back, or that I am in some way unloveable. Because sometimes that feels true and I can’t remember why.

I am scared because I know that there is something true just behind the walls of this world, but you have to look at it in half light, with your eyes half-closed, and your head tilted. You have to look through the cracks. And once you see it, you can’t unsee it, and that is scary and exciting all at the same time because to see the truth means to walk alone. Is that true? I don’t know for sure, but I do know this. It is a path I must walk, starting now.

               Before she could rethink any of it, she hit the word ‘Publish’. The VIP wifi access was all it was cracked up to be- it did not stutter as it carried her thoughts out into the ether. In that moment, she swore the lights in Jackie’s Place flickered ever so slightly, and the world contained within the bar shifted ever so slightly on its access.