A Hard Won 6,846 Words: I Will Possess Your Snack and Toodie-Loo

 Well I do not love night writing, but I got it done with some inspiration from Death Lab for Treatie and Gordon Toodie's Detective Agency: Toodie-Loo Incorporated.

First, an excerpt from the band audition at Jackie's Place with the much anticipated lyrics to I Will Possess Your Snack:

She decided as the opening bars of Killing in the Name Of were played by the pan flute that if she were to make any kind of decision based on music alone, it would definitely not be (Rage Against) Rage Against. Sadly, the opening of the song turned out to be the best part. The only thing they seemed to have emulated from the band was their loudness. How does one play such instruments loud, you ask? Trust me when I say you don’t want to know the answer. Dylann thought she understood why they had the word Rage in their name twice, though, because it was certainly descriptive of her emotional state.

Just as she was about to shut the whole thing down and call a reschedule, Death Lab, with absolutely no warning, launched into the sweetest, saddest song she had ever heard. It was a song of love, of longing, of wanting something just out of reach.

How I wish you could see the potential
The potential of your snack and me
It's like a bone that’s elegantly bound but
In a package I can't open with my teeth

You gotta spend some time, love
You gotta spend some time with me
And I know that you'll find love
I will possess your snack

There are days when I stand at the window
And I see people slowly pass
And I long for your return home from work
When we'll be reunited, reunited at last

You gotta spend some time, love
You gotta spend some time with me
And I know that you'll find love
I will possess your snack

As the song drew to a close, Dylann was surprised to find tears streaming down her face, but as she looked around the room, sparsely populated though it was, there wasn’t a dry eye in the house. The audition was over, and everyone knew it. Suddenly she heard the gruff, whispery voice of Jackie himself. Where had he come from?

“That was just excellent (Rage Against) Rage Against!” he said. brian j. Pickles puffed up his chest in pride but his happiness was short-lived as Jackie finished. “But everyone knows I only book lab-themed cover bands, always have, always will,” he said, his tone indicating that he was not interested in any tomfoolery. Also, everyone knew that tomfoolery was against the rules.

               Dylann found her head spinning as she tried to make sense of all that had transpired. She was used to Jackie’s odd behaviour, and she was used to strange goings-on, and she was also reasonably certain, given his treatment of her since her arrival that Jackie was much more sensitive than he let on, but she couldn’t help but feel that the whole audition had been a sham. brian j. Pickles’ band had never stood a chance, and they could have called themselves Rage Against the Crate and sang Take the Kibble Back… it would have made no difference. They were outclassed in every sense of the word, so why give them false hope?

As though reading her mind, Jackie leaned toward her as he walked past, “everybody needs hope, kid, he said, then resumed his usual position at the bar. He reached into the pocket of his filthy apron and pulled out a lime, winked at her, and began to slice it up. Somehow, the wink didn’t appear lecherous in the slightest. Jackie was a man full of surprises.

And a short excerpt introducing Gordon Toodie's Agency... FYI, the title of the chapter is Toodie-Loo Mothafucka. 

Josh looked up at the sign of the detective agency with chagrin. “Toodie-Loo Incorporated” was not a name that inspired a great deal of confidence, and the blood dripping from the lettering (was that Comic Sans MS)? did little to help the situation, but his options were few. His literary agency apparently did not have a budget line for use of private detectives for tracking down lost writers, and his exaggerated show of incredulity had not had the desired effect.

               “How am I supposed to conduct business when I am shackled by the chains of your expectations?” he had yelled, channeling his best Paulie Wandstein- after all, hurt, misdirected, and incoherent rage had always worked for the male characters on Donnie’s River. Instead, he had been offered a meeting with HR to go through a mediation process. He barely suppressed a ‘mediate this’ as he stormed out of the office, deliberately letting the door hit him on the ass on his way out.